When It All Becomes Too Much...

Try these simple steps to process the overwhelm

Friends,

Today’s substack and video offer a departure from my usual coverage of current events. Instead, I’m sharing simple steps for dealing with overwhelm that comes from unreleased emotional clutter.

The video aired on my other youtube channel, Living Swell with Peggy Hall where we focus less on the problems of the world and more on the solutions.

In other words, we focus on living in liberty.

If this topic is not your cuppa tea, please skip and stay tuned for more of my (snarky) commentary about pushing back against public serpents and their evil agenda.

For now, let’s focus on our own healing, Shall We?

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I want to talk today about emotional healing, especially the kind of healing that is easy to overlook because we may think we have already “handled” the past.

That is what I’ve dedicated this video too. I made it to help those who may still be struggling — but don’t even know it.

Maybe we don’t dwell on it or even talk about it. Maybe we’ve put certain experiences in a little box, pushed that box to the back of the emotional closet, and decided we’re simply moving on.

And sometimes that does work out!

But sometimes, what we’ve packed away begins to show up in other ways.

It may show up as insomnia. Perfectionism. Procrastination. Self-sabotage. Isolation. Difficulty sustaining friendships. Anxiety. Overworking. Overeating. Overthinking. Second-guessing ourselves after every conversation. Running late even when we promised ourselves we would leave early this time.

(Do any of those self-sabotaging behaviors sound familiar?)

And heaven knows, we’ve all been through a rocky road over the last few years. Many people are telling me they feel like old wounds are surfacing again. Things they thought were long buried are suddenly showing up in their sleep, their relationships, their habits, and their ability to feel peaceful in their own lives.

So I want to share something with you as a caring friend.

I’m not a licensed therapist, and I’m not offering counseling here.

I certainly don’t want anyone stirring up emotional wounds they’re not ready to face. There’s wisdom in getting support. There are times when a trained professional, counselor, therapist, pastor, or compassionate listener can be a true gift.

What I’m sharing is simply from my heart to yours, from my own experience and from years of walking alongside others as a wellness coach and lay counselor.

When the past keeps waking us up

Years ago, I worked with a client who later became a dear friend. She came to me because she was having such a difficult time sleeping.

She couldn’t fall asleep easily, and even when she did, she’d wake up around two or three in the morning and struggle to fall back asleep.

At first, we approached it from a natural, holistic lifestyle perspective, looking at the usual things that can support better sleep. But as we continued, it became clear that there was something deeper going on.

This friend had endured terrible fear as a child. In the early morning hours, she and her mother and sisters would sometimes hide in a closet, afraid for their safety because of an abusive father who’d come home drunk.

So of course her body was on high alert at two or three in the morning.

Her mind may have moved on. She’d already gone through counseling. She didn’t want to go back and talk about all of it again. And I completely understood that.

But her body still remembered.

That’s the part we often miss. We may say, “I’ve dealt with that,” or “That was a long time ago,” or “I don’t want to think about it anymore.”

And I understand that too.

But sometimes the wound is still there, not because we’re weak, not because we’re dramatic, and not because we’re living in the past. It may simply be that the wound was never fully cleaned out.

And when a wound isn’t cleaned out, it can get irritated. It can get infected. It can keep asking for our attention in ways that seem unrelated.

The emotional clutter we carry

I think of this as emotional clutter.

It’s not always obvious or dramatic. Sometimes it looks very practical on the outside.

For me, one of the ways this showed up was being late.

I used to be constantly running late. It caused anxiety in my life. It made me feel ashamed. It inconvenienced other people. And no matter what I tried, I couldn’t seem to fix it.

I tried reminders, tried leaving ten minutes earlier… I tried better planning and all the time-management tricks.

And yet somehow, there I was, still rushing, still running on adrenaline, still frustrated with myself.

It wasn’t until I did some deeper digging that I realized the lateness was tied to unresolved emotions in my life. There was frustration there. Resentment. A feeling of wanting to control my own time because other things had felt out of my control.

Trying to control the clock was really about trying to control something much deeper.

Once I began to work through those emotions, things changed in a way that no calendar reminder had ever been able to accomplish.

I’m not perfect! I still run late from time to time. But if you ask my family, they’d tell you I’ve done a complete turnaround.

And that’s because I finally addressed what was underneath.

You don’t need to live in the river of pain

Now, I want to be very clear about something.

I’m not a fan of staying stuck in our emotions. I don’t believe we need to spend our lives dredging up every sorrow, reliving every wound, or swimming endlessly in what I call “the river of pain.”

That’s not the point.

The point is to simply allow what’s been stuffed down to come out in a way that doesn’t harm us and doesn’t harm anyone else.

Think of it like getting a tiny sliver out of your finger. You don’t need to perform surgery on your entire hand. You simply need to remove the thing that’s irritating the tissue so healing can begin.

That’s what emotional clearing can do.

The way I look at it is that “you have to clean out the wound before it can heal.”

And here are some simple ways to do so.

Write it out

One powerful way to begin is to write it out.

This isn’t the same as journaling, at least not in the way I think of journaling. I love journaling. I like keeping a record of holidays, birthdays, travels, meals, visitors, ideas, and memories. Those are things I want to keep. I want to go back and read them.

This kind of writing is different.

This isn’t meant to be saved — it’s meant to be released.

You take a piece of paper and begin with the truth. You might write, “I’m so angry that…” and then let the words come.

You don’t need beautiful handwriting or correct grammar or punctuation. No one’s grading this. In fact — no one’s reading this at all! You can write in messy, jagged, furious handwriting if that’s what comes out.

You might write that you’re angry, indignant, irritated, heartbroken, disappointed, ashamed, regretful, or deeply sad.

Anger often comes first, especially when there’s been injustice. Underneath that, you may find sorrow. Underneath that, you may find regret… and then grief. You may find a wish that something had been different, that someone had protected you, that you’d spoken up, that life hadn’t unfolded in that painful way.

All of that’s valid.

You don’t need to write for hours. In fact, I wouldn’t recommend that. Five, ten, or fifteen minutes may be enough. This isn’t about spiraling. It’s about clearing.

And then, when you’re done, I recommend destroying the paper.

Tear it up, or burn it or throw it away. Flush the tiny pieces. Let it go with the cat litter if you need a little extra emphasis. Heaven knows I’ve done that myself!

The act of destroying the paper is symbolic. It says, “This is no longer staying inside me. I’ve brought it out, and now I’m releasing it.”

Speak it out

Another powerful practice is to speak it out.

And no, you don’t necessarily have to speak it to another person.

If anyone ever saw me driving alone in my car, they might wonder what on earth I’m doing, because I do a lot of talking in the car!

I talk to people I’m angry with and say the things I wish I’d said. I apologize to people I’ve hurt. I accept apologies I may never receive in real life. I say, “Thank you for apologizing to me for the way you treated me,” even if that person hasn’t actually said those words. (I’ve done videos on that in the past. See my substack here for more.)

There’s something powerful about verbalizing what’s been trapped inside.

Thinking about it isn’t the same as speaking it.

When we only think about it, it can stay trapped in the mind. It can circle and circle, like laundry piling up in a hamper. Eventually, it starts to smell.

Speaking it out lets the words leave the body.

You may have a caring friend who can listen, and that can be beautiful. But sometimes the people closest to us aren’t the right people for this kind of listening. They may want to fix it. They may get overwhelmed. They may feel protective. Or we may not want them to know the full depth of what we’re feeling.

That’s why speaking privately can be so freeing.

Sometimes we don’t need anyone to fix anything — sometimes we simply need to be heard.

Act it out safely

Then there’s the physical side of emotional healing.

I call this emotional exercise.

If you’re angry, that energy often needs somewhere to go. Not toward another person or in a destructive way. But in a safe, physical, appropriate way.

You might go for a brisk walk or ride your bike. You might hit tennis balls against a wall or punch pillows or throw pillows across the living room. (I’ve done all of those things!)

The key is safety. No one gets hurt and nothing valuable gets broken. You’re not targeting another person with your unresolved pain.

Because when we stuff these emotions down for too long, eventually one small thing can set us off. Then the anger comes flying out at someone who doesn’t deserve it.

That’s often what happens when people lash out online, send nasty messages, or unload on a stranger. They may not even realize they’re using someone else as a target for pain that’s been building for years.

That’s why safe expression matters so much.

The emotion is real and needs a place to go…safely and effectively.

Yes, it’s okay to cry

A few years ago, I was speaking with a group about this, and one participant asked, “You mean it’s okay to cry?”

That nearly broke my heart.

Yes, my friend. It’s okay to cry.

When you’re sad, sorrowing, grieving, or heartbroken, tears are appropriate. Crying isn’t weakness (even though our society often presents it as such). Crying is an appropriate expression of sorrow.

That could look like a few tears — or a torrent. There is no right or wrong. If you feel like pulling the covers over your head for a while and letting yourself feel what you’ve been trying so hard not to feel, then do so.

You have the right to express your emotions and to grieve what hurt you.

I’m a firm believer in stop pretending that something didn’t matter when it did.

Healing doesn’t have a deadline

This may not happen all at once.

You may not write one page, take one walk, cry one time, and suddenly feel completely free. Sometimes healing happens over days, or weeks, or months.

There’s no time limit on emotional healing.

But I do believe that when we give these emotions a safe place to go, we begin to make room for something new: peace, better sleep, clearer decisions, healthier friendships.

We make room for the person we’re becoming, instead of being ruled by the wounds we tried so hard to ignore.

What’s Next

So if you’re noticing patterns in your life that feel frustrating or self-defeating, I invite you to be curious.

Not judgmental or harsh. There is nothing “wrong” with you.

Just consider: what might this behavior be connected to?

What emotions haven’t I allowed myself to express?

What have I been carrying that’s ready to be released?

Maybe you write it out. Maybe you speak it out. Maybe you move it out through your body. Maybe you reach out to someone trained and compassionate who can walk alongside you.

And sometimes, cleaning out emotional clutter is one of the kindest things we can do for ourselves.

This is what healing looks like. And you deserve it.

Standing by to offer support, Peggy

P.S. Let me know wha you’re going through and how I can help.

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