Stop "FORCING" Change

& Try THIS Instead!

Hey friends, the video I have for you today recently aired on my second Youtube channel called Living Swell with Peggy Hall. That’s where I bring you practical tips and positive encouragement every Friday at 5 pm pacific — hope you’ll join me then!

The topics I share there aren’t abstract ideas pulled out of thin air. They’re things I’ve been struggling with in real time. I don’t even like to use the word struggle, but they are things I’ve been going through in my own life.

So I want to prompt you to think about one thing in your life—something about your personality, your behavior, or your character—that over the years, or maybe even recently, you’ve thought: I really wish I could change this.

Maybe someone else has even told you that you should change it.

Hold that thought as you watch last week’s video (linked below) and continue reading this Substack.

I’ll open with the good news:
You may not have to change that aspect of who you are after all.

Over the last several months, I’ve had a few insights about an aspect of my personality that I thought I needed to change. And as I worked through it, I realized a few important things that I hope will be helpful to you too.

My Example: Perfectionism

For me, the thing that comes up is perfectionism.

Let me briefly tell you what that looks like in my life.

When I’m making videos and I sense that something isn’t quite landing because maybe someone doesn’t fully understand a concept then I feel compelled to explain it again. And again. And again. Because in my mind, if it’s not perfectly clear, then I haven’t done my job.

This has been with me my entire life.

When I taught exercise classes… when I taught English… I couldn’t let a concept go until everyone got it. Perfectly.

I remember teaching English to beginning students. A student might say, “My son live in California,” and I’d gently (but persistently) say, “No, my son lives in California. When you say he or she, you add an ‘s’ to the verb.” And I would go over that point again and again until it stuck.

That’s just how I’m wired.

Even now, on The Healthy American channel, people come in at all different stages. Some have been with me from the very beginning while others are brand new. So when I feel something hasn’t been understood clearly, my instinct is to explain it again with more evidence, more examples, more clarification.

That perfectionist streak also shows up in other ways: staying up too late because I don’t want to go to bed until I’ve read every email, or redoing something because it doesn’t meet my own internal standard.

Now, let me be clear—I don’t do things perfectly. I’m human. I make mistakes. I say things incorrectly at times. Perfection itself isn’t attainable.

But the drive toward excellence is what I am talking about. And that’s what I had to take a closer look at.

Insight #1: Acknowledge and Accept—Don’t Fight Yourself

When people notice an aspect of themselves they think they should change, most try to force it.

That approach has never sat well with me.

Forcing change usually involves criticism and fighting against yourself. And fighting against yourself rarely produces the outcome you want.

Instead, I believe the first step is awareness, acknowledgment, and acceptance.

So when someone says to me, “Peggy, you’re such a perfectionist,” I can say:
“Yes. That’s true. That is part of my personality. It’s part of my makeup. I’m aware of it and I accept it.”

That alone can let you off the hook in terms of biting and struggling and criticizing yourself for this aspect of who you are.

I believe God has created each of us uniquely, with different gifts, skills, and traits. If He saw fit to give me a high standard, I’m not going to fight Him over it.

Once I acknowledge this part of myself, I can make practical accommodations. I give myself more time. I plan accordingly. I stop beating myself up for something that is simply true about me.

Insight #2: Choose When and How You Let It Show Up

Awareness gives you choice.

For example, with my newsletters, there may be a typo. Ideally the links are correct, and the message is clear. If I typed “he” instead of “the,” you still understand what I mean.

I’ve learned to let that go.

It’s more important to get the information out than to spend hours editing myself into exhaustion. If I let my perfectionism take center stage every time, the newsletter would never go out.

The same goes for videos. If I can’t find a link while streaming live, I let it go. I don’t take the video down and redo it. That’s me being aware of my perfectionist streak and consciously deciding how much I am allowing that to influence my life.

I’m not arguing with myself. I’m not struggling with myself. I’m choosing.

Insight #3: Stop Applying Your Standard to Everyone Else

This one was big for me.

When you have high standards, it’s easy to assume everyone else should/does too.

I’ve realized that my perfectionism is mine. It’s not fair, effective, or realistic to expect others to operate at the same level or process information the same way I do.

I’ve made videos where I expected people to immediately understand the evidence, connect the dots, and see what I saw. When they didn’t, my instinct was to explain it again thinking maybe I hadn’t been clear enough.

Sometimes that’s true. And sometimes… it’s just not.

Not everyone reads, interprets, or processes information the same way. And that’s okay. Letting go of that expectation has been freeing.

Look for the Upside of What You Want to Change

Whatever characteristic you’re thinking about, I encourage you to look at its positive side.

Maybe you take a long time to make decisions and wish you were quicker. But that also means you’re thoughtful. You’re not impulsive. You don’t jump into the pool before checking if there’s water in it.

When it comes to my perfectionism, I see real benefits. I have high standards and I like that about myself. I strive for excellence. I’m not interested in lowering my standards just to make others more comfortable.

Are there parts of perfectionism I rein in? Yes.
Do I criticize myself for having it? No.

And just be honest about whether this characteristic is actually impeding your life—your health, your relationships, your ability to live fully.

If it is, you can gently adjust it with encouragement rather than condemnation.

But if it brings you joy, balance, or peace (and it’s not harming anyone) then maybe it’s not a flaw at all.

Maybe it’s a gift.

A gift you can acknowledge.
A gift you can allow for.
A gift you can modify when needed, but not beat yourself up over.

So for heaven’s sakes, let’s let go of the self-criticism, the negativity, and being down on yourself. And if it’s something that you truly do want to change, do so with an outlook and an attitude of encouragement rather than self-criticism.

As the saying goes, it’s easier to attract bees with honey. So encouraging yourself in this way and taking note of how you feel—and how this characteristic can actually serve you and others in your life—matters.

Join me »here« for a new broadcast every Friday at 4 pm pacific/7 pm eastern as we leave the headlines behind and share practical tips and positive encouragement for vibrant living!