Pet Loss: Help for Intense Pain & Grief

While you never really "get over" these significant losses, you can find solace and comfort form those who understand your intense pain and grief

Friends, I want to share some resources that have been a beacon of light during this profound period of grief following the passing of my dear Elsie and Teddy. For those who have been with me on this journey, you know the story of my 19-year-old cat Elsie, whom I adopted in New Orleans in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. She was just a few weeks old, alongside her little sister Itty Bitty, who sadly passed away a couple of years ago. Elsie's 19 years were a precious gift for which I am deeply grateful.

My sweet Teddy girl lived to the age of 14. Tragically, both of my beloved animals left this world within a week of each other a couple of months ago, leaving me utterly bereft.

Those who have experienced the profound bond with a furry family member understand the unique and devastating nature of this loss. It is unlike any human relationship, incomparable in its depth and pain.

The outpouring of support through cards, letters, and emails has been a source of great comfort, and I am so grateful for your support.

I have often said, and will continue to say, that some broken hearts are only mended in Heaven. I don't foresee my heart healing in the way it once was, as these losses change you forever. While I will always strive to help others, I will never utter phrases like "get over it" or "time heals all wounds." Certain losses are not something one gets over. Instead, you learn to accept them, integrate them into your life, and find ways to cope.

One way I have been coping is through the solace found in the books many of you have sent. I would like to share these books as resources here for anyone else who is struggling with grief and loss. They have provided me with great comfort, and I hope they can do the same for you:

1. "When Your Pet Dies: A Guide to Mourning, Remembering, and Healing" by Alan Wolfelt

This one came from Patricia, a longtime supporter, and it's a very short book with opportunities to journal. I'm a huge fan of writing about your emotions, getting them out of your body and onto the page, and I find that extremely helpful in my own grief journey. Thank you so much for sending this, Patricia.

2. Here's a book by one of my supporters, Nancy Addison, called "For the Love of Willy: Overcoming Sadness After Losing a Beloved Pet”

It's a beautifully illustrated and simple book to read. If you have children, I think they would benefit from it as well. Nancy also sent me a beautiful card that says, "Praying that our Lord will surround you with His love, His joy, and His strength. Dearest Peggy, please accept my most heartfelt condolences and prayers. I hope my book can help. Love, Nancy."

Nancy, it is helping so much, and that's why I wanted to share it with everyone here, thank you.

3. "Heart Dog: Surviving the Loss of Your Canine Soulmate" by Roxanne Hawn

Many people refer to their special animals as their soul dog, soul cat, or heart dog, meaning they experienced a deeper bond, a more soul-to-soul connection, with certain animals. I understand that. I've had a couple of pets that I loved dearly, but some were even more intense in the relationship. This book has brought me a lot of tears and comfort, and tears are very healing.

4. "Only Gone From Your Sight" by Kate McGahan

It's a fanciful and imaginative book because it was written from a dog's perspective and if you think that would resonate with you, I recommend it.

5. "Coping with Sorrow on the Loss of Your Pet" by Moira Anderson Allen, M.Ed.

This book has been extremely powerful for me. I think some of these resources could be helpful even in the loss of a human relationship because of the different experiences you read about. There are many personal stories about how people felt after an intense or significant loss and how they figured out how to go on. The different types of activities, like writing about how your loved one came into your life and what the early years were like, could be helpful even if you have not experienced the loss of a beloved pet.

6. "And I Love You Still: A Thoughtful Guide and Remembrance Journal for Healing the Loss of a Pet" by Julianne Corbin, Ph.D.

I am currently working through "And I Love You Still," which has a lot of writing activities. Writing helps me, and I have filled up notebooks with memories, tears, anguish, and all the emotions that come up. This book helps you with ideas of what to write about. This may not be something you want to do right away unless you're comfortable picking up a pen and paper and putting those ideas and thoughts down. I recommend you visit this from time to time, especially if you are still hurting and grieving, whether over an animal or a human.

For those of you who are perhaps a person of faith and wondering whether your beloved animals will be in heaven, I will tell you, yes. This last book recommendation has been one of my favorites and so comforting.

7. "Our Pets: Heaven Bound? A Biblical Case for the Rapture and Resurrection of Our Pets" by Traci J. Lebens

This book makes a biblical case for the rapture and resurrection of our pets. If you're a person of faith, I think you'll find great comfort in how she speaks about the importance of animals in God's eyes. Remember, as the Bible story goes, God created animals before humans, and Adam had a unique relationship with them. The human-animal bond we experience as pet lovers is a divine relationship ordained for us to take care of the animals.

Traci wrote to me personally and she says, "Dear Peggy, I know you are a pet lover and that you recently lost your dog and cat within days of each other. Losing one pet is bad enough, but losing two is incredibly difficult. Your most recent video made me cry as I could see the sadness in your eyes and hear it in your voice, unlike your normal upbeat demeanor. I know your loss happened in May, so for you to be bringing it up in July again tells me about the depth of grief you are experiencing. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, and yes, the house is a shell of a structure without them."

Traci goes on to say that she also recently lost her companion of 17 and a half years, and she understands what I am feeling. She wrote this book and found joy in reading the scriptures, which gave her confidence that she will see her beloved pets again. I hope to find that same joy and peace in her book.

Many of you are asking if I'll be getting more animals. That is my hope and prayer. The animals I've had in my life have come to me through unique circumstances. I remember my first puppy, Sophie, when I was about 9 years old; my teacher's dog had puppies, and she brought them to school. I had Sophie, who passed from old age, for 15 years. My second dog, Shebekia, was a tiny puppy I found in Morocco. I bottle-fed her, and she lived to be over 15, passing away from cancer. We had several other dogs in the family, and then I had Hoonie and Teddy. Teddy lived to be 14 years old. I found Teddy as an abandoned puppy in the bushes, starving and dirty. Elsie and Itty Bitty were in line to be euthanized in New Orleans, and I took them along with a few other cats back to California and found homes for them. All my animals have been rescued, and I hope to rescue more.

I appreciate your love and prayers. For those of you who have been through these devastating losses, I understand… and knowing others understand brings me comfort. My heart and prayers are with all who are suffering and struggling. May God bring us all peace.

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